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skysenshi (05.03.2004)
Boring Beyond Belief
First glance commands powerful first impressions. The cute
art alone already reminds me of two anime titles, Tenshi ni
Narumon (I'm Gonna Be An Angel) and Card Captor Sakura—both of which I hold very close to
my heart for the fond memories they bring. The interface makes
you think that this could very well be good for TV. I mean,
look at it! SD modes, psychotic females, hilarious Ranma
½ situations…
But it all goes downhill from there. What can I say? Characters
are bleh: two-dimensional and bordering on annoying. There’s
nothing you haven’t seen in past anime shows, especially
if you’re one who has been watching japanimation since
the 70s. Yusuke is a sissy boy (read: effeminate), who, by
some sort of twisted luck, gets to choose among a bevy of
fuckable girls. I am not even sure if it’s women he
should be boinking at all! Or maybe he won’t be coming
out of the closet until he’s about 25 or so. The girls…Asumi
is unreasonable, violent, and does, in fact, mirror Akane
of Ranma and Narusegawa of Love Hina—the two brainless nitwits that punch first
and ask later. Faint-hearted Tomoe is, for lack of a better
word, dull. All she does is sigh and be nice and pretty and
helpless. Boy, do men with knight-in-shining-armor complex
love that! Nonchalant Marumu, who delivers her comical lines
with a deadpan expression, is probably the only saving grace
among the three main ladies. And even then, she doesn’t
get much exposure. Thank gawd, there’s still Toshibo,
the cat. It’s ironic that someone who couldn’t
speak anything more than “meow” should be the
one bringing some semblance of sanity into this package.
You mix a few more girls into the fray, have them fawn over
our cakeboy and there you have it! Heart de Roommmate’s
basic recipe. Good Lord, can we just drop the Love Hina scenarios
already? Frankly, they’re getting old.
I could sum up the story and the hentai scenes in one word:
juvenile. Well, at least, for my tastes they are. Their problems
are overrated. The characters make mountains out of molehills.
The solutions to dilemmas are too convenient. And they look
like twelve-year-olds, which make me think that they shouldn’t
even be having sex in the first place. Not that there’s
anything spectacular in the hentai sequences. It’s the
usual stuff, though they’re a bit milder than the more
adventurous bgame h-scenes. You’d think the secret routes
would at least bring a little excitement, but no. I was just
too immersed in ennui to care. To illustrate how bored I was,
imagine me setting Heart de Roommate on auto-forwarding mode
while I do my thing in the john. Heck, I even went out for
a walk so that my gray matter could get the much needed oxygen
that this game deprived me of.
Game features include auto-forwarding (Hallelujah!), voice
and sound settings, message speed settings, options to skip
previously read messages (Gloria! Gloria! Gloria!), CG gallery,
an album listing that lets you relive your favorite scenes,
and full screen window modes. Gameplay's the usual clickathon,
but thank heavens they don't make you choose which floors
or classroom or whatever area of the campus you wanna go to,
only to find that there's nothing to do in the place of your
choice...and then be promptly shown the same selection. Those
kinds of dead-end paths are so damn irritating and I'm grateful
I didn't find them here.
If you’re an avid fan of bishoujo games, knock yourself
out. You just might enjoy Heart de Roommate. But if you want
a real bgame challenge, go and play Brave
Soul. |
